My heart was whirling from the glowing promises given to me and from wanting to think more deeply, stand up and be stronger and more grateful--stretch my arms out to the heavens and let the rain fall. During the cheesy Called to Serve video I was wriggling with excitement and when they told us to go our separate ways I hugged everyone and made a beeline for the other side. My sisters and mother were crying.
When I got up the stairs all I was leaving behind suddenly felt a little heavy. My arms were so empty. I told myself that my world would "remain within a frame like a painting on the wall" and when I came home I would just climb back into the frozen scene and yell "ACTION!"
I think maybe every missionary needs to believe in that, a little bit, at first.
I had no idea how thoroughly I was about to get rocked.
I feel so far now from that first day. I was so little and didn't even know it. The sky ripped open and God showed me the lining of the world, the lining of my soul. There really is a voice of mercy from heaven and a voice of truth from the earth. I untangled myself from the roots of this life so I could please Him who chose me to be a soldier (2 Tim 2:3-4). He stood by my side in every moment and caught me every time my knees startled buckling. When I think of how the heavens really did rain down miracles, I know I shouldn't complain about anything in my life.
It's bittersweet how time is pulling me away from my mission. Even though I was naive and unassuming, I'm glad I raced up those stairs at the beginning. If I could have seen a piece of the future, I might have walked more slowly. If I could have seen all of it--I would have run faster. :)
I miss you, Morena!
10 comments:
Congratulations, Rachel! Think of all you've accomplished in the last three years! And no reason to miss the faith and zeal of the old Hermana Morena--the new Hermana is older, wiser and BETTER than the old. Seriously Rachel, why look back, you've gained so much, and have so much more to give. Life keeps getting better!
Your posts are so moving and poetic. I love the way you express yourself. Hooray for being naive and hooray for getting wise enough to realize it and hooray for racing right into life anyway. There are always more stairs waiting for you to come racing up them. . .
What do you, Mystikal, the Apostle Paul, Master P, Moroni, C-Murder, the 3 Nephites, John and Silkk the Shocka all have in common?
Oh geez, that's hard. Um...um...it's just like, some of them are apostles, and some of them are rappers, and I always thought that never the twain should meet, so now I'm like, WTF?
Y'ALL're NO LIMIT SOUL-JAH'S
Crazy how the time flies, huh? Might I recommend a link for the scripture passage ;) But yeah, you saying your mission began 3 years ago makes me feel really old, even if mine did begin like 2 years before.
Hey Rachel -- I found your blog off of Danielle's. I didn't even know you went on a mission! How awesome! I bet you were an amazing missionary, you have so much zeal and passion. Your posts are rather inspiring. This is Sarah (Porter) by the way.
All the while God is singing "Here I am! Rocked you like a hurricane!" while rocking you like a hurricane! mwahahah!
BTW: Your last line is serious stuff. That's general authority worthy. In my best Japanese, You are awesomuh powuh!
What percentage of your readers see you post titles and think, "ahh... that's a fantastic Smiths song"? Probably much less than, "oh, the Scientist!"
You should read some of the things Chris Martin has said about Thom Yorke and Radiohead. It's blam near incriminating.
I love you.
Post a Comment