I do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes

So I was [most unnecessarily] freaking out about ASU's confirmation deadline this Friday. I had the uncomfortable feeling of being squelched in one of those 'Choose your own Adventure' books, although I could never choose, and tried to keep fingers in all of the pages so I could follow all the different endings down to the grisly conclusion. Sometimes in real life situations I do the same thing, I can't stick with one storyline and see it through. There are very few decisions I have made with clear confidence (my mission, deciding to go to BYU when I was 18). I always "wonder til it drives [me] mad, what would have followed if i had" [chosen another storyline].

Ergo, I'm struggling a little with knowing where I should go to grad school. I've had "crushes" on all the schools I've applied at one time, but who knows how I'd feel once I actually got to know them? They might turn out to be shallow, or hostile, or distressingly incompatible with me. I do know that I felt all squirmy and reluctant when I realized I had to make a decision about ASU so soon. At the moment I didn't have any other options, though, until today I got through to the beloved Cynthia at the OLLU Admissions office, who has so patiently and lovingly dealt with my neurosis and incessant questions during the application process.

I apologized for pestering her yet again, and she was full of awesomness and tenderness as she checked on my application and told me I had been...ADMITTED! And O what wondrous light and joy filled my soul! I became all pageant girl on the phone and Cynthia told me to call her when I got out to Texas so she could give me a tour of campus. I think I will bring her flowers. Seriously, this could maybe be a diaster but it sounds ideal to me right now. After all I've been through with the Virgencita, what could be more fitting than this? :) Also: going back to Texas. Something about that just rings with amazing.

Mother I made it up from the bruise on the floor of this prison

"And the dove came in to [me] in the evening, and lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off."
--Genesis 8:11
The olive leaf said I had been admitted into the Downtown Phoenix Masters of Social Work Program. I'm still waiting to hear back from some other schools, but this news gave me heart!

There is enough sunshine there to cover a multitude of doubts. Also, I was born in Phoenix and I like the idea of going back to the start. And I have been aching so much for Mexico and Spanish, it would be nice to get that much closer to the frontera. Today at orientation two women were chatting in Spanish behind me and I felt overcome with this dizzying longing to be back in Puebla. Another day.

I keep thinking of Paul Simon's lyrics slightly altered: Take this child Lord from Phoenix Arizona, give her the wings to fly through harmony and she won't bother you no more...